Is that his way of telling me I matter to him only when I allow him to have his way with me?

Anytime I visit my boyfriend and I’m leaving, he gives me money. At first, I would take it and say thank you but it got to a point I stopped. It didn’t feel right, especially when I’d spent the night with him and he was giving me money in the morning. It felt like I’d performed a service and he was paying me.

I respectfully decline and tell him not to give me money like that. He kept pushing but I kept declining. I thought he would get what I meant when I said he shouldn’t give me money “like that.” Instead of changing the method of handing over money, he stopped giving me money totally.

I told him, ”I didn’t ask you to stop. I just didn’t like the moment in time you gave me money. It felt wrong in my head, to be honest. You can send me Momo randomly. You can buy me a gift randomly. Even if you like, you can put the money in my bag secretly for me to find it one day. There are several methods. Don’t give it to me like I’m a hookup girl.”

I thought I’d communicated my feelings so he was going to stop. No, he didn’t. He still gives me money just when I’m leaving and says, “If you like don’t take it. I’ll keep it for you.”

Because of that, I’ve stopped spending nights with him. When I’m with him, I don’t allow him to touch me. If nothing happens and he gives me money afterwards, I feel ok. But for this guy to give me money when nothing has transpired between us, I would have to beg and beg before he gives me.

— Chikezie Ogbonna

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